Played to Tears

After Jackie's Piano Class Concert...
Mum: Jackie, you played extremely well just now, well done!
Jackie (grinning): And I played confidently.
Mum: Yah, the pieces were perfect, they were so much better than when you played them at home.
Jackie: And I even almost teared.
Mum: Oh, you were moved by your music?
Jackie: No, everytime, I feel very sleepy, I cannot control my tears.
Mum: ?????

A Table

Jackie: This is how my friend draw a table.

What Slimming is All About

In the morning, Jackie saw our neighbour running on the track mill in the house as we were getting out of the house to go to her childcare. As I shut and lock the door...

Jackie: Every morning, the man will be running. And at night, it will be the woman. Everyday it's the same.
Mum: Really, I don't even notice that.
Jackie: I also know what they are doing. They are trying to take out their muscles so that they can become thin.
Mum: What???

Mum, Don't Talk So Much!

Jackie: Mummy, Jie Jie (sister) has so many children celebrations in school. It's so unfair!
Mum: You will be going to the same primary school next year, and you will have the same celebrations. It may seem to be unfair now, but it's actually fair because your turn will come. You recognise that?
Jackie: Yes.
Mum: So if you recognise that, stop feeling bad about it, just accept it okay.
Jackie: Okay.
About 10 seconds later...
Jackie: Actually I don't understand what you are talking about.

Her Stomach Burst!

Jackie: Jia Yi (childcare friend) is not afraid of lizards.
Mum: Really?
Jackie: Yah, she said she once saw a lizard and stepped on it.
Mum: What! That will burst the stomach! I saw that happened when my sister sat on a lizard accidentally when we were very young.
Jackie: What! Really, Jia Yi's stomach really burst when she stepped on the lizard?

What Time?

At breakfast...

Jerrie and Jackie bickering were over who has more raisins on their slice of bread.

Jackie: You took away one of my raisins!
Jerrie: I didn't.
Jackie: Yes, you did, I saw you taking it!
Jerrie: No, I didn't!
Jackie: Yes, I saw!
Jerrie: Ok, what time?!
Jackie: ????

Note: Jackie has yet to learn how to tell the time correctly. Obviously, Jerrie has taken this opportunity to confound her. But did she take Jackie's raisin?

Coming Soon...

Jackie finished reading a story on the iPad and returned the iPad to Dad.
5 minutes later...
Jackie: Can I have the iPad again?
Dad: I thought you have finished the story?
Jackie: Yah, there are more stories to read.

Dad handed the iPad over to Jackie. There was silence for the next few minutes, so Dad checked on her.

Jackie was found staring at the iPad screen, looking very puzzled and disappointed. At the end of the story which she read earlier, there was a line that went:

"More stories....coming soon."

What is BT?

Dining at Ikea Cafe...

Jerrie: Jackie, I'm going to wash my hands, see you at BT!
Jackie: Okay!
Jerrie whizzed off.
Mum: Jackie, what is BT?
Jackie: I cannot tell you.
Mum: Big toilet?
Jackie: No.
Dad: Boy's toilet?
Jackie: No
Mum: Hmmm...come on, tell me what's BT, Jackie!
Jackie: I also don't know.

Why go to bed?

Jerrie (reading her school science magazine): Mum, why do you have to go to bed?
Mum: Sleep.
Jerrie: Wrong, because it cannot come to you.
Mum: Huh? Science?

Adam and Madam

Dad is talking to Mum about Adam Khoo, one of his business clients.
Jackie: Who is Adam Khoo?
Mum: Dad's client.
Jackie: What's his name?
Mum: Huh? of course it's Adam.
Jackie: Oh, Adam is a name? I thought Madam is for a woman, so Adam is for a a man, just like Miss and Mister....

Sorry, Did I fart?

In the car...

Mum: Oops, who just farted?
Silence for 10 seconds
Mum: Nobody? Come one, who?
Jackie: Is it me...?

Big Eyes

Mum: Jackie, you are pretty.
Jackie: But Jiejie's (her sister) and Chloe's (her cousin) face are nicer.
Mum: Huh?
Jackie: They have very big eyes, I have very small eyes.
Mum: Your small eyes are very pretty!
Jackie: But big eyes can see more things.

Please Don't Sleep

Mum dozed off while sitting next to Jackie who is eating her snack.
Jackie: Ahhhh! (a sudden hysterical cry)
Mum got jolted out of her slumber: What what, what happened?
Jackie: I'm very scared. When you fall asleep, I feel like I am all alone at home.

Naughty Boys

Jackie: I like Yiming. (Note: Yiming is Jackie's friend in the childcare centre.)
Mum: Oh, any reason for liking him?
Jackie: He is naughty. I like all the naughty boys.
Mum: Okay, but why?
Jackie: Naughty boys have nice faces.
Mum: Hahaha...hmmmm, your boy cousins, who do you like most.
Jackie: Cannot tell, otherwise they will complain.

Number 10 is Scared

Jerrie: Solve this riddle. Why is 10 scared?
Mum: No idea, why?
Jerrie: Because 7 ate 9.
Mum: Hahaha
Jackie: I know why, because 10 is a big number, big numbers have to be alone so 10 is scared.

Mum’s Note: Jiejie (Jackie’s sister) is 10 year-old, and sometimes she stays at home alone.

My Favourite Number

Jackie: Mum, do you know what is my favourite number?
Mum: No...
Jackie: Guess
Mum: Duno
Jackie: Number seven
Mum: Really, why?
Jackie: Because I like to watch the 7 o'clock TV programmes.

So Big Already

变男生

Jackie: 我们不可以吃太多咸的东西.
Mum: 对.
Jackie: 吃太咸, 会变男生.
Mum: 什么?
Jackie: 头发掉了, 就变男生了.

Advanced Learner

Jackie (who is now in K2): My friends say I know a lot, and I should be in Primary 2.
Mum: Haha, you are one clever girl.
Jackie: But I told them that my mum said I can be in Primary 3.
Mum: Oh, I said that!

Black Light

Jackie: This is a very good touch light.
Mum: Oh really.
Jackie: It has many different colour lights...
Mum: Nice.
Jackie: But it doesn't have any black light.
Mum: Black light??

Spitting and Urinating Not as Bad as Littering

Mum: I don't get it, why littering has a heavier fine?
Jackie: Because littering will make Singapore look ugly, but for urinating and spitting, you can't see it, so less fine.
Mum: What?
Jerrie: Because, you have to hire cleaners to clean the litter. You can't see urine and spit, so no need to hire cleaners.
Mum: What??
Jason: Those who urinate in public are mostly kids.
Mum: And those who spit are probably the coughing old folks? So, these people have concession?
Jason: Hahaha

Iconic Steve Job

Jerrie (flustered): What's happening to these icons (on the iPad). They are now all over the place, so messy, something is wrong!
Mum: Something is wrong?
Jerrie: Yup, it's all because of the boss.
Mum: Boss? What boss?
Jerrie: The boss (Steve Job) is gone now, so things have become very messy. Now nobody to press the control button to put things together.

(On 24 August 2011 Steve Job's resignation was announced through the media.)

The birds and the bees

9-yr-old Jerrie asks Mum how one gets pregnant and what is meant by "to have sex". So, matter-of-factly, Mum tells Jerrie about the birds and the bees.
And Jerrie's reaction: What do you mean? You mean have to go to the hospital to put it in?

Stickers

Jackie on learning that Jerrie is upset that her teacher has forgotten to bring stickers for the class.

Jackie: The teacher forgot to bring the stickers because stickers are not so important things.

Mum: Yah, stickers are not so important, so what do you think is more important.

Jackie (without a moment of hesitation): Name stickers!

Following closely the advice of a parenting book, Mum was eager to try asking this question to Jackie to find out where her interests lie.

Mum: Jackie, you know I met this amazing man today. He knows everything and anything about this world and can answer anything question people ask him. If you also have the chance to meet him and learn from him, what would you ask him?

Jackie: I would ask him why he knows everything.

Mum: LOL

Jokes From Mum

Mum shared these jokes with Jerrie and boy, she loves them!

Joke 1:
Do you know the story about the three wells?
Well, well, well.

Joke 2:
Do you know the secret about the butter?
I better not, because you might spread it.

Joke 3:
Do you know the story of the tall wall?
I better not, because you might not get over it.

Joke 4:
I won't tell you the story of the blunt pencils. Do you know why?
Because it's pointless.

Joke 5:
What is a deer with no eyes called?
No I Deer.

Joke 6:
What is a deer with no eyes and no legs called?
Still No I Deer

Joke 7:
A ninety year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down, making notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"

He replied, "To the kitchen."

She asked, "Will you cook me a bowl of instant noodle?"

"Sure."

Then his wife asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

"No, I can remember that."

"Well, I also would like some mushrooms in it. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that," his wife said.

"I can remember that, you want a bowl of instnat noodles with mushrooms."

She replied, "Well, I also would like some prawns in it. I know you will forget that. You had better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He went into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of toast and two half-boiled eggs.

She stared at the plate for a moment and said, "You forgot my coffee."

Joke 8:
Three old ladies are sitting in a cafe, chatting about various things.

One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."

The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!"

The third lady smiles smugly, "Well, my memory's just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

My Mum is a Clown :o)

Mum: Jackie, can you remember last Mothers' Day at Sunday School, where the kids were asked to pick an object to represent their mother? Chloe chose a flower and said her mum was as pretty as a flower, an Indian boy chose a tiger soft toy and said his mother was as fierce as a tiger, and hahaha, you chose Nintendo and said your mum always played with you.
Jackie: Cannot remember.
Mum: Okay, but what would you choose now to represent your mother?
Jackie: A clown.

弟子规

Mummy: My goodness Jackie, you can actually recite the 185 verses in 弟子规! Who taught you?
Jackie: 王老师 and 李老师.
Mummy: Oh.
Jackie: Mummy, 夏老师 is very rude to her parents.
Mummy: Huh, what makes you say that?
Jackie: Only 夏老师 has never taught us 弟子规 before in school. I think she doesn't know 弟子规. So she must be very rude to her parents.
Mummy: Huh?

Mummy's Notes: No idea what 弟子规 is? Haha, I too had no idea before Jackie started rambling about it. It's a famous ancient work by 李毓秀, Li Yue Xiu of the Qing Dynasty, written during the Reign of the Emperor Kangxi (1661-1722). Di Zi Gui (弟子规), in English, means "The Standards for Being a Good Student and Child". Also known as "Students' Rules", it is based on the teaching of the great Confucius that emphasises on the basic requisites for being a good person and guidelines for living in harmony with others.

This New Place is Old

Checking out the shopping mall of Resorts World Sentosa Singapore for the first time.

Mum: I don't like a bit the brown I see here...terrible...
Jackie: Yah...this place is lousy, even the floor is cracking.
Mum: :<

Crux of the Matter

At Wang Cafe, Plaza Singapura drinking tea.

Jackie: Mummy, I don't like this place (making a few horizonal oval shapes in the air with her hands while emphazising "this place".) You know why?
Mum: I know, because the tables here are far too crammed.
Jackie: No, not that.
Mum: Then why?
Jackie: Because of the opposite chicken cutlet shop.
Mum: Oh, but why? You love to buy the chicken cutlet from them.
Jackie: Yes, but I don't like the auntie there.

My Mum and Dad

It's Fathers' Day.

Mum: Jackie, do you know how old is Daddy?
Jackie: I don't know.
Mum: How old do you think Daddy is?
Jackie: I guess...99 years old?
Mum (laughs): What about Mummy, how old do you think I am?
Jackie: 13 years old.

Funny Faces

Names of News Printers

Mom is reading the newspaper and 5 yr-old Jackie looks on.

Jackie with a curious tone: Who are the printers of this newspaper?
Mom (baffled): What do you mean, as in the printers' names?
Jackie: Yes
Mom (with a grimaced face): Well, they are Tom, Dick, and Harry.
Jackie (looking pleased with the answer): Oh Tom, Dick, Harry...and who else?

Which Day is Important

Over dinner, chatting about Kungfu Panda 2 Movie which the family watched a couple of days ago.

Mom: I can't really remember the story of Kungfu Panda 1 anymore...can you all remember?
Jackie: Yes, I do, but which day did we watch it, Monday or Tuesday?
Mom: ???? (did I miss something somewhere??)

Yesterday and Today

Mom: Jackie, what's today's date? I've lost count of the days.
Jackie: Er, I know, what's yesterday's date?
Mom: ?????

En's Ant Joke

A joke from my quirky niece: 4 ants line up in a single file, all facing the same direction. The 1st ant says, "3 ants are behind me", the 2nd ant says, "2 ants are behind me", the 3rd ant says, "1 ant is behind me", and the last ant says, "3 ants are behind me"...why does the last ant say that???

Ans: They are in a circle?
Reply: No, they are in a straight line.
Ans: He is the # 1 ant?
Reply: No, he is the 4th ant.
Ans: ‎The last ant changed his facing to become first ant?
Reply: No, there is no change in the direction they are facing.


Real ans: The last ant is lying.

Justin Versus Simon

Jerrie (9 year-old): Jackie, do you like Justin Biever?
Jackie (5 year-old) shakes her head.
Jerrie: Do you like...Taylor Swift?
Jackie shakes her head again, then asks: Do you like Simon Says?
Jerrie: ?????

Kids expects adults' impossible

Jackie started playing games on the computer since she was 3. Now 5, she seems to have brow-raising expectations of what technology can do! This is what she did - while enjoying a colouring game on the ipad, she touched the screen to pick a colour and then looked at her finger to check if there are any colour transfer before proceeding to use the coloured chosen to fill a particular part of her picture on the screen.

I will become a good girl!

Jackie: Jie (sister), you know, I am not baptised yet.
Jerrie: I know.
Jackie: When I get baptised, Jesus will take away all my sins, and I will become a very good girl!
Mum: Jackie, why did you say that, who say you are a bad girl now?
Jackie: Jie and Mummy always scold me, so I think I am bad.

An Eye for an Eye

Mum in a reprimanding tone: Jerrie, don't bully Jackie. She may not be reacting now, but when she grows older, she is going to do the same to you! Then you will be sorry!

Jackie listens on...

Weeks later, after many of the same episode and chiding.

Mum and Jackie waiting for the lift on their way to the childcare. Mum noticed the lift has opened only when it was about to close. She tried to keep the lift open by pressing the lift button, but the door continued to close and finally left. Noticing a couple was inside the lift, Mum commented, "So terrible, didn't even botther to press the lift button from inside."

Jackie on hearing that, said in jest, "Nevermind, mummy, next time, we will do the same to others!"

Is it egg or bread?

Mummy cooked fried eggs for breakfast.

Jackie: Mummy, you guess how I choose my fried egg?
Mummy: The one that is the smallest?
Jackie: No.
Mummy: One that looks most browned.
Jackie: No.
Mummy: The one that is the least browned?
Jackie: No.
Mummy: Okay, how do you choose?
Jackie: The one that comes with the smallest piece of bread.
Mummy: ???!!!

I am surprised too, dad!

On their way home from childcare one evening...

Jackie, big-eyed, looking up in great anticipation of an answer: Daddy, you guess what I got for my spelling test today!

Daddy: Ha, 5 upon 5!

Jackie: No, only 1 upon 5.

I cannot let go

Daddy teaching Jackie how to forgive others...

Daddy: Jackie, learn how to let go. When others have apologised and said sorry to you, stop whining and harping on it, let it go.

5 minutes later...

Jackie: Daddy, Jiejie (sister) made fun of me...I CANNOT LET GO because she never said sorry!